


like a car crash, you do

by cacodaemonia



Category: Infinite (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 12:20:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,817
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1226011
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cacodaemonia/pseuds/cacodaemonia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's something like love at first sight, something like in those shoujo manwhas that Myungsoo would read with voracity in his middle school years.</p>
            </blockquote>





	like a car crash, you do

**Author's Note:**

> for [namikaze_jkc](http://namikaze_jkc.livejournal.com/) and [the infinite secret santa fic exchange](http://infinitesanta.livejournal.com/)
> 
> [inspiration](http://thoughtcatalog.com/gaby-dunn/2013/03/we-cant-talk-about-it/)
> 
> re-posted at ao3 super late ◕ヮ◕

Myungsoo doesn't know anybody that well yet, so when he spies Howon and Dongwoo across the room he heads straight for them.

"I thought you weren't coming," Howon says, eyes widening in surprise. Myungsoo runs his hand through his hair, smiling apologetically.

"Me too," he says, shrugging. "Changed my mind."

Dongwoo laughs and pats Myungsoo on the ass. Myungsoo's only known him for a few weeks but Dongwoo's handsy from the get go, and his big smile and big heart have a way of winning anybody over. "I'm glad you could make it! I'll grab a drink for you!"

The silence between him and Howon is awkward but not terrible - they don't really have anything in common, but Howon's a nice guy and he isn't a bad roommate. Myungsoo breathes an internal sigh of relief when Dongwoo comes back with a gangly kid in tow.

"This is Sungyeol," Dongwoo says, shoving a plastic cup in Myungsoo's hand."Sungyeol, this is Myungsoo and Howon!"

"Hi," Sungyeol says. Howon shakes his hand. Sungyeol turns to Myungsoo to do the same but freezes. Time doesn't stop or slow down for them, but Myungsoo can see a recognition in his eyes that he thinks mirrors his own - something telling him that Sungyeol will be - is - very important to him. He doesn't know how he's important, just that he isn't somebody Myungsoo can afford to not have in his life - now that he's in it, there will be a gaping, weeping hole where he belongs if he loses him.

It's something like love at first sight, something like in those shoujo manwhas that Myungsoo would read with voracity in his middle school years.

"Woohyun didn’t come?" Dongwoo asks Sungyeol, breaking the moment. Sungyeol turns to him and his hand drops without Myungsoo ever taking it. "I didn't realise it was possible for you two to be more than five metres away from each other."

Sungyeol grins. "Assignment due tomorrow."

"When has that ever stopped him before?"

"He says he's turning over a new leaf," Sungyeol says, rolling his eyes. "I give him five days."

"Woohyun? Oh, are you his boyfriend?" Howon asks. "The one that he likes to send inappropriate snapchats to. Next to me. In class."

Dongwoo has ridiculously raucous laughter, but it doesn't eclipse Sungyeol's.

"Yeah," Dongwoo says. "They've been going out for years. Practically married."

 

 

"Don't get yourself in trouble," Sungjong had told him severely before Myungsoo was about to board the train to Seoul. "Though honestly, without me there, you're probably going to anyway, aren't you?"

Myungsoo had grinned then, and ruffled Sungjong's hair. Sungjong would have normally socked him for it, but it'd be the last time they'd see each other for a while and Sungjong's eyes had been a little glassy. He had guessed correctly that Sungjong would give him a free pass that one time.

But now, alcohol swirling in his system and Sungyeol standing next to him, between them a polite metre of distance and something almost tangible, something electric, Myungsoo wonders if this was the kind of trouble Sungjong had foreseen.

 

 

Myungsoo's hand had never quite fit in Sunggyu's, and Sunggyu's had never quite fit in Myungsoo's. Myungsoo had liked that, liked how Sunggyu would fumble and end up twining their pinkies together sometimes, but later he'd think that maybe that had been a sign.

Sunggyu had been in his first year of university when Myungsoo was in his first year of high school. That was the year Myungsoo had grown into his body, his face, and people noticed. Sunggyu noticed. Myungsoo didn't understand why he was considered attractive, but that didn't mean that he didn't understand that he  _was_  considered attractive.

"Hyung," Myungsoo had said, leaning on his shoulder and breath hot on his neck. "Hyung, I like you, did you know that?"

Sunggyu had laughed awkwardly, bringing his hand up to his neck, and his lisp became more pronounced. "Yeah, I know Myungsoo, I like you too."

Myungsoo had half-fallen into his lap then, and he'd grabbed Sunggyu's face between his hands. Sunggyu's mouth had parted in surprise.

"I've liked you for the longest time, hyung," Myungsoo had said, and he'd kissed him then. Sunggyu hadn't moved away.

 

 

Sungyeol is a freshman, like Myungsoo, but his social circle is a lot bigger than Myungsoo's. Sungyeol is loud and sarcastic and he makes Myungsoo laugh harder than anybody ever has. They're friends, but they're not close. They haven't exchanged numbers, they don't go on coffee dates. Myungsoo only ever comes across him when they bump into each other on campus (always on Thursdays, the only day that they both have classes) or there's a party. Always, they gravitate towards each other. Talk to each other until their large group of friends dwindle down and there's only the two of them left, walking home together and arguing over whether iced americanos or kimchi jjigae are better.

They never talk about what's going on between them, because nothing _is_  going on between them, except for their mockery of a friendship. Sometimes, Sungyeol sends pictures to Woohyun even when they're across the room from each other, of him making ridiculous faces, and then follows up with a sweet text that makes Myungsoo hear his heart thudding in his ears. Myungsoo learns to look away. He goes out with a few people, and he loves every single one of them, but none in the way he does Sungyeol, an inky stain spreading inside the cavity of his chest.

 

 

Sunggyu had always cared about other people's opinions more than Myungsoo ever did. The most he'd let Myungsoo do in public was a hug in greeting or a brush of the back of his knuckles when they were walking. It was why they had always ended up in Sunggyu's apartment, Myungsoo's hands everywhere on Sunggyu's body.

Something had been wrong that day, and Sunggyu had been more hesitant with his kisses as Myungsoo had wrapped his legs around his waist, perched on the countertop. Sunggyu had pulled away, pinning Myungsoo's hands to the counter and Myungsoo had whined. Sunggyu hadn't moved though.

Myungsoo had stared. "What's wrong, hyung?" he'd said, and he'd felt the bile rise in his throat in something akin to fear but more like unease.

"You're still young," Sunggyu had said, meeting Myungsoo's stare levelly. "You don't know what you want."

Myungsoo had known what he wanted. He had wanted Sunggyu.

 _You're the one that doesn't know what you want_ , he'd opened his mouth to say, but Sunggyu had already looked away.

"Okay," Myungsoo had said, tugging his hands from Sunggyu's grip and sliding off the counter.

He'd shoved his feet haphazardly into his sneakers only to hesitate in the doorway. Sunggyu had looked small then, still hunched over the countertop, and Myungsoo had realised that Sunggyu wasn't really a man yet either - a boy hardboiled  into a shadow of one.

"Bye, hyung," Myungsoo had called softly over his shoulder, and then he'd walked out the door, hands bunched into fists.

 

 

Howon begins to refer to Sungyeol as Myungsoo's boyfriend, even though Myungsoo has several over the years and not one of them are Sungyeol.

He goes out with Daniel for a semester in his second year, and he laughs wryly, half spilling over the edge of the couch because it can't really fit the both of them lying side by side like this. They like to try anyway, bodies pressed close, too close.

"Should I be jealous?" Daniel says, arching an eyebrow. The metal in it glints and it's hot, so hot, Myungsoo wants to run his tongue over it. His leg is in between Daniel's, and with the angle he knows that Daniel can feel his cock half-hard against his thigh.

"Maybe," Myungsoo replies teasingly, but Myungsoo thinks that he's probably serious. Daniel slides his hands up his shirt then though, and he forgets.

 

 

Sungjong visits. He tells Myungsoo to get a grip. "You've been moping over him for years," he says, looking frustrated.

"I haven't been moping," says Myungsoo.

"No," Sungjong accedes. "But your not-moping needs to stop."

"It's not exactly something I can control," Myungsoo groans as he lays down on his bed.

Sungjong sighs, and his face hovers over Myungsoo's. He's beautiful any which way Myungsoo looks at him, even at this unflattering angle where he's upside down and his nose and eyebrows appear as one entity. Sungjong's always been beautiful, and Myungsoo thinks that maybe, things could have been different. Maybe they could have loved, and maybe, he could've never met Sungyeol.

"I know, hyung," Sungjong says. "Try."

Sungjong stays the night, body small curled next to Myungsoo's. In the morning he lets Myungsoo hug him and ruffle his hair again, and then he leaves, back to his girlfriend and his life without Myungsoo.

 

 _Good luck_ , he whispers in Myungsoo's ear, and Myungsoo tries.

 

 

Yerim had been small and gorgeous and she'd had brown curls that tumbled just past her breasts. Myungsoo liked to wrap his fingers in it and hold her close.

She'd pressed a chaste kiss to his cheek when they'd broken up, and her hands had been cold on his forearms.

"I think you need time," she'd said, and then smiled, a little sadly. "And somebody else."

Myungsoo thinks of a voice cracking and rounded cheeks and an ear full of metal. He thinks of a blinding grin and ridiculous laughter and too-long hair sticking to the back of a neck with sweat.

Myungsoo thinks he needs somebody else too.

 

 

Myungsoo likes to touch. He doesn't know if anybody realises just how much, knows that if they did, they might be frightened. When he likes somebody, he wants to fill himself with them, feel their skin on his, breathe their scent.

"You're like Dongwoo-hyung," Howon says, and no, that isn't quite right. Dongwoo gets sick of people sometimes, sometimes wants space. Myungsoo doesn't, wouldn't mind being suffocated in somebody's warmth. It's an overwhelming desire, and sometimes it frightens himself.

It maybe says something about Sungyeol, that they have touched not even once in the three years since they've met.

Sungyeol's shoulder is pressed against Myungsoo's now, warmth bleeding from underneath the cloth of his sweatshirt and swelling inside Myungsoo.

"I broke up with Woohyun," Sungyeol says in his ear. Myungsoo's breath hitches but he thinks he hides it well enough.

"No you didn't," he replies, because he doesn't know what else to say. It's the first time either of them have come close to acknowledging the thing floating in the air between them. His tongue feels heavy in his mouth.

Sungyeol grabs his hand then, his long, graceful digits wrapping around Myungsoo's sturdy ones.

It feels right.

"I did."

Myungsoo looks at him, and Sungyeol's eyes on him makes blood rush to his cheeks but his voice doesn't waver.

"Prove it," Myungsoo says, and Sungyeol does.

**Author's Note:**

> tbh was not feeling the myungsoo/sungyeol i think you could tell. all the other pairings tho  
> also, pls to ignore that wanker of a title


End file.
